On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize