I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
