i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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