I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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