A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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