What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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