my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
