Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
