i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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