A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
