smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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