Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
