Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
