I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize