i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
