I murdered the dance floor call the cops
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
