Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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