I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
