There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
