I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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