Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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