Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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