Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
