I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
