Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
