We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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