i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
