Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
