Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
