Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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