Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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