i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
