dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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