My friends, they love my intelligence
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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