One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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