I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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