I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
