A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize