And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pants are for mortals
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
