Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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