She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
