I'm so fucking centered right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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