can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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