Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize