if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just cropdusted the office
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
