wat bout pragnant strippers??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
