So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
