for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
