I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
