Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
