i think my tv is drunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
