so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize