I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
