why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
