Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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