summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
