we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize