A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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