if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
