Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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