It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
