Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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