I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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