so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
