ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
