I faked an abortion last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
