I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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