Jerry, you need to find god
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were trust falling into bushes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
