I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
