am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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