Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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