One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
