I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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