when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
