after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
