Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
