If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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