so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize