I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
