I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
