i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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