Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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