My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
