It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
