I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sext me about skeletons
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
