I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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