He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
