that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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