i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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