I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
