It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
