We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
