just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
