i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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