the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We have started to decorate penises.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
