hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize