HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
