dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
