i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
