She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize