your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
