he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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