Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
