was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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