thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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