i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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