So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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