i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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