Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
