How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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