I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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