Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
