there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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